On Sleep and Game Addiction

I went to bed too late, like 4am. Now I have a bad headache for not getting enough sleep. For what reason? Playing Warcraft DOTA in the middle of the night... WTF? I feel too old for playing computer games. I think I am addicted to it. That's why I don't have it on my computer, but I borrow the laptop from a friend, who has it installed. Otherwise, I would be playing way too much. The reason being:
1. If you win your ego gets a boost, so you feel all good about the "accomplishment" and want to do it again
2. If you lose, it's even worse, as you don't want to stop playing until you get a win. Who wants to finish something defeated??? So, eventually you win and you are back to 1.
The time goes by really fast and since every game is usually a multiple of 30mins, you are stuck for large time intervals without thinking about the real world.
When I get out of the vicous cycle I feel guilty for wasting my time in such a stupid way.
I also think that people that are very competitive get sucked into it much more. It's all about the competition. When I compete in something I am good at, I get really concentrated and feel as if I am "alive". I guess that's how it goes with a lot of guys. We are just competitive creatures.


P.S. So, I did go out on Friday. I had a good time at the Fat Black Pussy Cat, here in NYC. Unfortunately, I realized that I girl I like is back with her boyfriend. I thought they would break up, but alas they are together. I am happy for her and sad for myself :P

Feb. 27, 2009

Somehow I woke up in 3 hours earlier than I was planning to. Now, I have to figure out what I am doing for the rest of the day. Its Friday night, so I am going out to brush off all that happened yesterday. Yesterday a friend told me that the girl I went on a date with last week is a gold digger, but I somehow knew that there was something wrong even without the confirmation. Then I went to the Broadway show Billy Elliot with a friend. The show was great, but made me feel really depressed as it was discussing the demise of a miners town in the UK. Not that I am coming from such a town or from the UK, but they are all people struggling with the prospect of high unemployment, which is a situation I have always feared and now with the whole world financial crisis going about, seems more and more likely. Then for some reason, I was thinking about my ex-girlfriend almost the entire show. Even though I broke up with her about 6 months ago, I still have very mixed feelings about her and as the days go by, I tend to forget the bad and live with a shining image of her in my mind. I know I do that, so as a complete jackass I had decided not to stay friends with her. I wish there was a way of instantly forgetting certain people. Just a switch that deletes all traces of them. Otherwise they start to linger and hover in my memories just like ghosts on a haunted ship. All this said, today I want to have a good time and not think about the future (even though midterms are this week), the present (as I am going to be late for my internship), or the past (no more angry ghosts for now please).